The Eyebrow

As always, the State of the Union address was followed by a response from the opposition party. By any standard, 2005 was a tragicomical year for America. The GOP is in a politically precarious position and the Democratic rebuttal should have been a slam-dunk.

With this in mind, Virginia Governor Tim Kaine’s response can only be seen as a squandered opportunity. Kaine delivered a wooden and uninspiring speech, as full of vacuous generalities as the State of the Union itself. The governor’s references to his past as a missionary suggested a Democratic Party awkwardly trying to “get right” with God. Democrats certainly need to articulate their ideals to religious Americans, but if their appeals sound contrived, they will be rejected. Moreover, Kaine made only the vaguest references to the Federal Government’s inadequate response to Hurricane Katrina and the bungled reconstruction of Iraq - the two biggest stories of the year.


Viewers were also burdened with the sight of Kaine’s left eyebrow dancing wildly about his forehead. As the speech progressed the eyebrow reached new and baffling heights, nearly merging with the gubernatorial hairline. Later that night, the governor’s eyebrow drifted from his head entirely and floated away on the breeze.


The governor's eyebrow passing a weather balloon (courtesy U.S. Meteorological Survey)

-Adrian